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Two Tales of a sad Honda Accord

It’s just about midterms and I have a ton of work to do so I figured it was the best time to draw up two all new comics!  Without further delay (considering it’s probably been over 6 months since the last time I posted anything)  I present to you “Two Tales of a sad Honda Accord”

Tale One:  The fierce battle between the unplowed UMass Parking Lot and the sad Honda Accord

It was a ridiculously cold Thursday night in the beginning of February when I received a text message from Matt.

I loaded my shovel into the car and headed to Umass.  I was not quite expecting what I found.

His car did not get stuck in the parking spot, rather just about out of it.  Under these circumstances, the efforts could not be abandoned.  This sad little car had to be set free.  He began to shovel . . .

"Seriously, why the hell can't they just plow the friggen parking lot? I paid over $300 for this parking spot. This is so stupid"

Unfortunately, the shoveling efforts were futile.  The Sad little Honda still sat stuck in the snow.  A few spots over were three girls having a similar problem.  As we pondered what to do, they succeeding in freeing their car by pushing it.  They very kindly came over and offered to help.  The three girls and Matt pushed the Sad Honda while I took the helm.

Still the Sad Honda did not budge.  The next plan was to push the Sad Honda with my Ford Explorer.  While the disadvantages at the gas pump are often painful, the benefits of an Explorer are vast in the winter time.

Still the Sad Honda was stuck!  “What will we do now!?” Matt exclaimed.  “Call AAA!  Surely they shall rescue the Sad little Honda!”  I answered.

This incident solidified my notion that AAA kind of sucks.

The conversation went as follows:

Matt: Hey, my car is stuck in the snow in a parking lot at UMass and I need to get it out.

AAA:  Is the lot plowed?

Matt: umm, no, that’s why I’m stuck

AAA:  Oh, well we can’t send anyone out if the lot isn’t plowed. Bye

Matt: 😦  What do I do now?

By now, about an hour had passed and the temperature was barely above zero.  We decided that we should try calling the campus police.

UMass police also kind of suck . . .

The response of the UMPD dispatcher was:  “It’s not really the police’s responsibility”  After a WTF moment on our part she decided that it was the responsibility of the UMass physical plant.  She told us that she would send someone over to plow and put down some sand.  We weren’t really sure how much help that would be but it was something.  He was to be there in about 5 minutes.  We took shelter in the Explorer while we waited.  A half an hour later . . .

UMass physical plant definitely sucks

A dude from the physical plant finally showed up and essentially just flipped us off and left.  He drove around the parking lot once, passed us, backed up slowly and drove off.  For a few minutes we simply stood there in the cold by the Sad little Honda.  After some curses were made on all responsible parties we decided the only thing left to do was the call a tow truck from town.  We retreated back to the Explorer and tried to pick up a wireless signal on my ipod.  We got a list of towing companies in Amherst and decided our best bet would be to call “Aaron’s 24/7 Towing” . . . They were closed.

It is now 2 1/2 hours after the endeavor began and neither of us can believe that all of this actually happened.  Awhile back we had seen a tow truck from “Ernie’s Towing” so we decided we’d call them.  They sent someone out and for $55 pulled the Sad Honda Accord out of the snow.  The really annoying part about this is that the guy from Ernie’s told us that AAA had sent him out multiples times that same day to that same parking lot so AAA really sucks.  What matted by then though was that the Sad little Honda was finally free from the clutches of the UMass parking lot.

 

Tale Two: The Sad little Honda Accord and the poorly parked Toyota

A few days after the Sad little Honda’s adventure with the parking lot, bad luck befell it once again.

At first, this seemed like an easy enough fix.  We would simply jump start the Sad little Honda with my Explorer.  Unfortunately we found this outside. . .

To the left of the Sad little Honda was some other car innocently parked but still inconvenient for us.  To the right, however, was a jerk-off-douchebag parked in the next two spots.

It is important to note here that Spatial Intelligence is not one of my strong points.

I look at my car and I look at the space between the Sad Honda and the jerk-off-douchebag.  I really have no idea, but I decide that I can probably make this happen.  Terrified, I got into my car and began to pull it into the spot while Matt made sure I didn’t hit either car.  What I wanted to happen was this . . .

my car as close as possible to Matt's car

So that if this happened . . .

Whoopsy Doodle!

This would happen . . .

Forgiveness and no insurance claims

Unfortunately, this happened . . .

my car literally centimeters from the jerk-off-douchebag's toyota

Then my blood pressure did this . . .

While I freaked out, Matt jump started the Sad little Honda

In order to not have a stroke, I let Matt back my car out of the spot.  I watched in terror . . .

Amazingly, there was never any contact made between my car and the jerk-off-douchebag’s Toyota.  I parked my car into a normal sized space and we drove the Sad little Honda around to recharge the battery and all was well.

The End

 

Note: Honda and Toyota, Please don’t sue me for using your brand name so many times.  Kthanx!

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:-(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BILLY MAYS!!!! I MISS YOU!!!!!

(this is of course July 20th For those of you a few hours behind, wait a while to celebrate)

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immune systems must be maintained

no sleep

plus no food of any nutritional value

equals no immune system

I have been sick more times this past semester than I have all of college and high school combined.  I blame mostly these two factors.

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I want to go to the fair!

So when I was a kid I used to always go to the Delaware County Fair in Walton, NY.  It wasn’t always so much that I wanted to go but it was very close to where my Grandfather lived and it was a good trip.  I always submitted something, usually some sort of baked good and usually did pretty well.  As I got older I was mostly sort of forced to still go.  However, now I WANT to go to the fair.  Like seriously. I don’t know if my grandfather is haunting me or what but sometimes when I’m sitting here I can smell it.  I need to go to this fair!  Here are some of the reasons why.

Rubber ball bingo. This was a favorite with my mom and grandmother. Instead of having someone pick and call numbers, you throw balls into a grid and try to get 5 in a row. Prizes ranged from hokey to not-so-useful but it was always quite fun.

Crap tents. I love these because I love crap. I love infomercials more than anything and crap tents are a prime place to find infomercial items. These ones also had balloon yo-yos which are water balloons tied to rubber bands: awesome, those crystal things that are laser etched with pictures and stuff: I always got one with my name on it, Amazing beef jerky, crappy jewelry and those crazy infomercial knives that cut through everything. 😀

The BEST pretzels ever. hands down. Sorry Germany, yours are great but I have yet to find one like these.

snow cones. I fucking love snow cones . . . without any flavor syrup . . . I'm so weird but they're so good! and they always have those straws with the little spoon end. AWESOME!

The glorious food tents! OMG!!!!

cows and other farm animals

The tractor pull. I'm not entirely sure what this was all about but I remember my dad always watching it.

Like I said, I usually submitted something. One year it was Pumpkin chocolate chip bread and I won first place!

That’s only the half of it, I have no idea why I didn’t want to go to this ever!  Here’s the website!  CHECK IT OUT!

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Cake is awesome

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A few things I’m looking forward to

Coke. American Coca-Cola. Coke in Europe sucks. It's under-carbonated and overly sweet. I miss it sooo much.

cupcakes. I miss home-made cupcakes, frosted cupcakes, hostess cupcakes, ice cream filled cupcakes. mmmmmm. chocolate of course

chocolate doughnuts. with or without sprinkles, they're a bonus but not a must-have

goldfish and cheez-its. omgggggggg

Good fruit! German fruit is terrrrrrrible. Produce in general is just a mess. They keep rotting fruits and vegetables with the good ones so they all begin to grow mold and rot. You can't keep produce for more than a day. infuriating.

plastic forks, knives and spoons. You get real silverware at KFC here, it's silly.

Poland Springs. I hate mineral water, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I hate carbonated mineral water, I hate still mineral water, it tastes gross. I need Poland Springs water in my life again.

Chocolate soft-serve in a cone with chocolate sprinkles. Gelato for 80 cents a scoop is cool and all but it's no soft-serve.

knowing what the fuck is going on.

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